Reflections of what to carry forward from here.

Here I sit in the dining room of a house that has been a refuge for every member of my moms family, my grandparents home for over 60 years, and I can’t help but feel secure and peace. My mom passed away one week and one day ago in the room that she grew up in as a child. She was granted so many gifts and mercies, I can’t help but feel comfort that even though she is not of this world any longer, she is still with us, in another form. I can feel her love all through this house, and I appreciate her gentle reminders of the love that has been shared between us all.

My sister, Debbie and I have shared so many memories and moments this week of just what Momma was to each of us. We have begun the arduous task of going through and organizing Momma’s belongings and cherished treasures. We have been making the decisions of what we like to see go to who, and when and how we would make that happen. We have discovered boxes upon boxes of pictures. Looking back I remember my Momma as being akin to a Japanese tourist. She always had a camera and several rolls of film. It was her personal mission to capture every moment in time as we grew. At times I felt annoyed by her constant begging to document every thing we did. She documented trips to historical landmarks, and you know if there was on a road side attraction to see, we absolutely saw it, touched it and photographed everyone next to it. Yet this week, with tears in my eyes I was overwhelmed with gratitude to my Momma for giving me the gift of the reminder of the amazing moments she gave us as we grew up.

Momma was given so many blessings through her illness. I am amazed at just how all things fell together in perfect time and grace. Momma was able to see those that she loved the most. While she missed her 50 year reunion with her fellow Chino Cowboys due to being in the hospital, she was visited by many and was able to share special moments and memories. We’ve been receiving notes from many who have said that those moments meant so much to them, and that they are thankful for having the memory of enjoying Momma those days. Momma was given a weekend of amazing health and energy. She was able to get out in the fresh air and soak up the warm sunshine. She went to one of her most favorite restaurants that has been a special place to my entire family and enjoy one of her favorite meals. She was able to go to Barnes and Noble and enjoy a hot cocoa and browse her favorite magazines in a comfy chair. As I spoke to her that weekend, she was full of cheer, and said she felt the best she had in a year. She was not struggling to breathe, and sounded full of energy. She was able to give me just the right words I needed hear, that only my mom could tell me to give me encouragement. If I had known it was our last conversation, I doubt there was more I could have said. It was perfect.

I have no doubt that as I move forward with this new season of my life I will be struck with more moments and memories. But I feel that I have a renewed sense of just how much my mom truly loved me. That she was devoted to her daughters, her husband and her parents. And there are many gifts, traditions and a legacy that I can now carry forward in her honor. How blessed I am to have had the amazing privilege to call her my Momma. May I make her proud of the woman I am working on becoming.