The Legacy of what remains

Leg-a-cy Noun

plural leg·a·cies

Definition of LEGACY
1
: a gift by will especially of money or other personal property : bequest
2
: something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor or from the past "the legacy of the ancient philosophers".


In moments of reflection it came to my memory my last visit to California. It has been 9 years this week since I was last home. My reasons for going were to support my family with the loss of my Grandmother over the Memorial Day weekend. I thought of my relationship with my grandmother. How strained it was at times, how so much of it was a a reflection of her own difficult upbringing. I thought with regret how little time my children had with her before her passing. Despite how much we struggled to have a relationship I still loved her and respected who she was in my life. My thoughts moved to a book that my mother in law created from memories of her mothers life. Once the book was published, a copy of it was then given to each of her daughters, and grandchildren. A copy was ordered for each of my children as well. I find comfort in the fact that even at my kids young ages, the pages of that book will hopefully bring back memories of her presence in their lives. My husband's grandmother was an incredible force that has had impact on the lives of countless people. I thought of the legacy of lessons that each of these women have handed to my husband and I through their lives, their experiences and their examples. How much of that legacy influenced our actions today, how much of that legacy did I want to be handed down to my own children as they are growing into their own people.

Aaron's Grandmother grew up in a large family filled with love and faith. She carried this into the home she established with Aaron's Grandfather. When I married Aaron I was brought into a family that always had their arms extended to give hugs, they are always ready to encourage and always ready to feed you. They send notes and sincerely want to know how you are. Even Aaron's aunts send our kids valentines cards and little notes, gifts and trinkets on their birthdays. I would receive a birthday card from Aaron's Grandparents and I don't know that they ever understood the impact of that. Every year the card was for a grand daughter, not grand daughter in law, or our grandsons wife. No, they would go to the section of birthday cards for a grand daughter. It wasn't until I married Aaron did I actually appreciate the joy of celebrating birthdays. Many things in my house are little trinkets that were created by Grandma Leah. I have a notes and cards that she had sent, little bits of encouragement she sent, thank you's for visits letting us know how much she enjoyed watching us raise our children. I felt honored and overjoyed to name my youngest Annika Leah after both Aaron's grandmother, Leah and his mom as her middle name is Leah as well. I even created a trinket for Grandma Leah. I made a mini brag book for her when I was in my hay day of scrap booking. After she passed Aaron's grandfather found it in her purse and I was honored that he wanted to see it returned to me. I never doubted that a day did not pass that she wasn't in prayer for us and each and every member of her family. She blessed so many, and I have no doubt that she received many blessings in return.

I felt that the blessing of having Leah call me her grand daughter meant that I in turn had her as a grandmother. That gift will remain with me all of my days. While I had a grandmother of my own, our relationship was quite different than what I had with Leah. My grandmother lost her mom while she was still yet a child. She tried to take care of her siblings when her father was unable to. Yet the state thought otherwise and had them separated into foster homes. She was considered too old for placement so she bounced around until she was 18 and released on her own. She married my grandfather while he was still in the Navy and they raised 2 children. My grandparents were old school and they never talked about their childhoods. They were stern, had high expectations and made it clear that children were seen and not heard. I'm sure it was hard on them since they felt that by taking care of their family they were showing their love. They were always willing to help their kids after they made a mistake. My mom would come back home after a failed marriage and twice brought a child back home as a result of it. They raised my sister and I'm sure that 15 years later when my mom returned with me they were just exhausted. I remember many a trips to the grocery store or the salon with my grandmother. She had to feed me breakfast (A bowl of All Bran) before I went to school. She had to pick me up after school, and all of the countless times they had to pick me up from school when I was sick.

It wasn't until I met Aaron's family that I came to realize that I had never been hugged so much in my life, literally! I found it difficult to accept so much verbal love, encouragement and hugs as it wasn't common everyday practice in my family. There would be no condescending remarks, judgmental statements, or stare downs. To his family I was not a living breathing example of my mom's spontaneous behavior that they would have to once again take care of. As my Grandmother's health declined and the Alzheimer's progressed she seemed to be more free than I every remembered. We would talk on the phone and she would tell me that I sounded good, I must have blushed because I never remembering her compliment me before. But she would go further... She told me that she was proud of me and during one of our last conversations she told me that she loved me. I remember her telling me that once before. I was in the ICU at Loma Linda University Medical Center after the car accident and they had rushed in to see us. I remember her holding my hand after being told of my injuries and my impending surgeries. I remember her holding my had and telling me that she loved me, and she called me dog. (Now this is going to sound terrible, but she called all children dog. It sounds condescending, but it was just a pet name, no pun intended. like "dear" or "sweetie". I don't know why "dog" but it was endearing to me at the time). Looking back I can see that she loved me, despite the fact that I was yet another example of my moms behavior.

I know growing up I thought she hated me, but when I thought hard enough I remember times where she showed me otherwise. I remember stove top jiffy pop popcorn being a nightly treat when the dodgers were playing. My grandfather would make it and I would be allowed an extra half hour before bed to watch another inning. I remember sitting next to her and reading little golden books to her while I was yet to start kindergarden. She told me that I must have been the smartest person in our family to be able to read before I started school. I remember her and my grandfather drawing me pictures so that I could use colored pencils to color them with. I remember her putting black olives on my plate and telling me to count them to make sure I had 5 since I liked to put them on my finger tips before I would eat them. It was probably so I wouldn't put my grubby fingers in the jar, but I like to think that it was an act of love. Treats weren't really in their home, diet soda was a treat, but we had regular home cooked meals that involved meat, potatoes, a vegetable and a slice of bread with butter. She loved us and made sure we all ate a healthy diet. And finally in the final months of her life, I'd like to think that in the midst of the Alzheimer's she felt free to confess that she loved me and that she was proud of me and that came from her heart. I wish I was as brave as she was. I'd like to tell her that I am proud of what she did with what life handed her. That I think she did the best she could, and that I love her for showing me what she able to. I wish I was braver when I was little to run up to her and hug her more. I'm sure she needed it.

Now I am faced with the task of raising 4 very unique people. Some of their actions and attitudes remind me of both of these grandmothers. Annika is always creating trinkets and leaving notes for people. Madison has a very nurturing nature and is always willing to take care of what ever or whomever. All four of them have a desire to explore their faith, and deepen that connection with Christ and learn more of how to live and walk as children of God. I am trying to find a balance of telling and showing them how much I love them and how proud I am of their accomplishments. I want them to have the freedom to discover who they are, I want to help them when they stumble, and I want them to always know that I am willing to hug them when they need it. Luckily for me they know when I need a hug and are more than willing to grab me and tell me that they love me too.

I hope that Aaron and I are able to take the good from our experiences, learn from the bad and filter them into a legacy that we can hand down.