Forward Momentum

So often in January I reflect on the previous years adventures. How I may have stumbled, how I may have grown. And likewise as a family. How my children have succeeded and how they have grown. I haven’t quite found the time to spend on reflection. Perhaps it is denial, or rather that I am so focused on the coming changes that it makes it hard to look back.

I have accepted that 2011 dealt many challenges and I had to navigate around a few delicate wounds that I was not ready to encounter. Left untreated they only festered with infection that became a hinderance to personal growth. By November, I had Jake scheduled for surgery to repair his broken hand from soccer, Madison in physical therapy for a fractured back from soccer, my sister in route to California to care for our Mom who was is in the final stages of COPD, and Aaron found me at 3 am scrubbing the vents under the fridge with a toothbrush with one hand, and my cell phone in the other. My cell phone became a permanent fixture in my hand. The anxiety that something would happen, either here or in California was overwhelming. I couldn’t sleep, my chest hurt, I felt like I couldn’t breath, I couldn’t focus and my OCD was at an all time high. Luckily, my husband is an amazing, patient man. He suggested that I talk with our doctor, who is also a friend about my panic attacks. As embarrassing as it is to admit that you have lost a portion of control is, the timing was perfect.

I started medication for generalized anxiety and a medication to help me get some sleep. Within a few weeks Jake was taken care of, Madie was done with therapy and stronger than ever. I had spoken with Mom and she had an amazing weekend out and about. We had discussed some things that she was looking forward to during my visit I had planned for January. Only 5 days later I knew it wasn’t going to be. December was a blur. And I was thankful for the chemical help as well as the calming peace that I desperately prayed for.

I had made a promise to my mom that I would personally see to it that dad was taken care of should her passing come to be. She knew as well as I did that him staying in California and living alone was not going to be an option. Now some might call it fate, but I always think that God, being all knowing like he is, granted us an incredible mercy. My father in law was putting his retirement from the printing world into motion. He has also been pastoring for a sweet country church as well. He was approached with the opportunity to take his ministry to the next level, which he prayerfully accepted. With that came the news that he and my mother in law would most likely need to move. Leaving into question their home. With a few modifications it could provide more than enough room for my family of six, and accommodate the inclusion of my dad. So in July we will be moving across town, over the creek and through the woods. The kids will remain in the same school district and they will each have their own room. My dad will have his own room with access to the bathroom from his room as well.

In less than a years time there will have been so much change, transition and I pray growth in our family. From lose, to opportunity, to new perspectives, to additions. As we go through this forward momentum I am in continual prayer that God’s hand be on each of us. That patience will abound, that words be true, actions be right, and hearts be open.